Saturday, February 7, 2009
I'm sure there is a mathematical formula out there that represents the amount of stress (internal or external, good or bad) times the energy of resisting said stress is equal to the amount of dis-ease created in the body and the time it takes to recover.
Okay, so Robin has moved home and is taking the quarter off. It is for medical reasons, not grades. (not that it should matter, but...= stress) He was accepted into Pierce College for the spring quarter and is planning on trying to go to UW in the fall. (sick kid moving home from college = stress) Learning that I can't fix everything sucks (stress) and I have to let him learn what he needs for himself. (you guessed it, stress) Rearranging schedules and getting him settled into his room/sanctuary/man cave is a process. (hmmm, more stress)
After Christmas I decided that I wanted to cut back on my time at the Y. I was feeling a little depressed and felt I did a lot of busy work and I could use my time more effectively at home. Is that selfish? (stress) Then I had 12 hours of training to teach over 3 days in a week plus the organizing and planning, which I love, but that put me at almost 40 hours for a two week period, quite a bit more than normal and much more than I really wanted. How did that happen?
Last weekend I had a scratchy throat for two days and even though I was determined to have that be it, my body obviously wanted some down time. Guess who won? By Tuesday, I knew it wasn't going well, so I decided to get a sub for one of my three classes on Wednesday. After teaching the first class, I was so glad I had gotten my sub. Thank you Callie. I was to go back for a meeting to finalize the training paperwork, but it wasn't happening. I also had one last class but there was no way I was going to be able to teach it. I felt really crappy about leaving everyone in the lurch. (stress) Before noon on Thursday, I realized that Friday would be a no go for me and sent off emails to get a sub. When I didn't get an immediate response (I'm so patient) I called my supervisor to let her know where things stood. I think the fever of 102 had me a little off and I was a lead weight sinking into the couch. I really couldn't sit up for more than a few minutes at a time, and since I didn't have much voice I didn't think I could make any calls to find a sub. This is the first time I have ever done that (guilt, guilt = stress, stress) but the couch and an ice bag beckoned to my sore, achy body and head so strongly I let it go. While my classes got covered, one from an email I had sent, I still felt reprimanded that I had let them down.
It is now a week since the throat thing started and I’m still sick, but the fever is down. I will need to continue to watch my stress level to keep it at a manageable level (ha-ha) so I can heal. But, I’m not depressed and since that is my usual reaction to too much stress I’m pretty happy. Now it is time to think about what makes me happy and how that can translate into making a difference in people’s lives. I love the training that I have been doing. I have more learning to do, but that comes with time. Honestly, I am thinking I would love to teach Anatomy & Physiology at a massage school. So we shall see what happens.
Life is a journey. I have my journey to travel and I get to decide what things in my life that I can change if they become so stressful that they are counterproductive to my health. There will always be things I can’t change and must learn how to accept. I have to accept that my children have their own journeys to travel and while I can be there to support them or give advice if they ask, it is not my job to lead them anymore. I did that already and it is now their turn to lead themselves. And they are doing a great job of learning who they are and what they need in life.