Thursday, August 2, 2007

Hearing vs. Listening

Steve and I have talked about this many times. We hear differently. I think the filters we all have from the experiences in our lives are very different for Steve and I. I know I go into an automatic mode when we talk sometimes, so I hear what I expect to or I interpret it as if it we speak different languages. I usually hear things as a negative about or towards me. I’m not sure if Steve hears things in a consistent way or not.

Last night the doctor’s office called regarding the results of Bob’s MRI. They asked that he come into the office today to talk about them. The nurse told him to stay off his leg and they could have a wheelchair available when he arrives. I interpreted that and stated “there must be something that needs to be fixed”. Steve heard me say “there must be something really wrong”. I suspect he was concerned something is wrong with his dad’s knee, but I didn’t speak those words.

I guess since we are humans, we won’t listen. I am focusing on thinking about what I am hearing to determine if I am really listening. I am listening from “hear” on out.


olga said...

I believe this is the biggest issue my husband and I are having in our relationship - and it isn't working like that.

Backofpack said...

Lorri - we all have issues like this. And not just with our spouses, but with anyone we talk to. It's very hard to really hear the other - and what's more, sometimes you have to hear the message behind the words, sometimes you have to read the body language. It's a tough one, probably more so with those we love because our emotions and self-image is so caught up in it. It's also hard to just listen, and not fix.

wendy said...

Hey Lorri,

I hope all is going well for you guys (and Bob) this week!

I think it's really interesting you've noticed how you hear things differently. I was at a marriage seminar in Denver about a month ago, and several of the speakers discussed how men and women are just wired differently, and lots of them talked about our chemical makeup and oxytocin levels, etc. After it was all said and done, I left there thinking we have to be purposeful in how we communicate with others, particularly our spouses, because we just don't hear the same things. *Sigh* That's probably why I thank the good Lord for my girlfriends, they hear me just fine. ;-)

Have a good week, Lorri!